Water bored

Bill O'Reilly pulls his head out of President Bush's arse, sees the shadow of a lie, then asks a tough question:

O'REILLY: Now Brian Ross of ABC said — reported the CIA water boarded Mohammed. That is dunked him in water, tied him down and then that broke him. Is that true?

BUSH: We don't talk about techniques. And the reason we don't talk about techniques is because we don't want the enemy to be able to adjust. We're in a war.

O'REILLY: Is water boarding torture?

BUSH: I don't want to talk about techniques. And — but I do share the American people that we were within the law. And we don't torture. We — I've said all along to the American people we won't torture, but we need to be in a position where we can interrogate these people.

O'REILLY: But if the public doesn't know what torture is or is not, as defined by the Bush administration, how can the public make a decision on whether your policy is right or wrong?

BUSH: Well, one thing is that you can rest assured we're not going to talk about the techniques we use in a public forum. No matter how hard you try because I don't want the enemy to be able to adjust their tactics if we capture them on the battlefield.

I wish real journalists would ask this question. It will take more than one or two tries to get it right, and some in the public might get bored with the topic, but those are the same folks who need fresh porn every five minutes.

Nailing Bush on his "torture problem" will take some planning. So far, his big excuse not to answer is "We don't want to give our techniques away," as if the bad guys don't have access to the 10 million websites that have named waterboarding as the CIA's malaise du jour. So ask Bush what techniques the CIA won't use.

HERALDBLOG: Mr. President, we know you won't talk about the techniques the US Government will use to question terrorists, but can you at least tell us what techniques you won't use. For example, can al Qaeda suspects expect to have hot needles shoved under their fingernails?

BUSH: Our techniques are within the law. Hot needles? Haven't heard of that one (heh heh).

HERALDBLOG: How about being thrown into a pit full of spiders and snakes? Naked?

BUSH: Doesn't sound effective. Snakes eat spiders. Seen it on my ranch.

HERALDBLOG: Well let's talk about degrading treatment. Would you sanction forcing a detainee to wallow in a large hamper full of used sumo thongs, while listening to Muskrat Love by the Captain and Tenille?

BUSH: Saw a sumo match once. Ugly thing. No, I don't believe we would use that method, but I can't rule it out.

Hey, can't hurt. The Geneva Convention says nothing about degrading treatment of renegade Presidents, and even if it did, the word "degrading" is kind of hazy, doncha think?