Monday, December 15, 2008

Memo to Dubya: Try peering in his sole

Muntader al-Zaidi: This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq.

President George W. Bush: I don't know what his beef was.

People of Iraq: I think he's trying to tell you that we object to all those people you killed.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Clash of the Titans



What was this guy thinking?

Arnold Conrad, the former pastor of Grace Evangelical Free Church in Davenport, warmed up a McCain rally last week with the news that God will be really, really embarrassed if Barack Obama wins the November election.

“There are millions of people around this world praying to their god—whether it’s Hindu, Buddha, Allah—that his opponent wins, for a variety of reasons. And Lord, I pray that you will guard your own reputation, because they’re going to think that their God is bigger than you, if that happens,” said Conrad.

God doesn't need this shit. I mean, he worked his ass off, seven days and seven nights to create the universe, and the last thing he needs is to get dissed by that smart aleck Vishnu who's all "So, God, how's that Obama guy working out for you?", and Buddha going on with his "one with everything" psychobabble.

My God may be an awesome God, but he looks at the polls just like everyone else.

Friday, September 26, 2008

What Bill O'Reilly doesn't want you to know



It's not because O'Reilly is a stickler for evidence. He just needs a bogeyman. In this case, it's a liberal political advocacy group that raised funds to publicize what our corporate media hasn't told us: that John McCain has a serious health issue.

That's all.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

"Less taxes, more war"



I'd have to give neo-con Attorney Gabriel Nathan Schwartz an A for honesty. Not sure about his judgement, though, given that a couple hours after giving this interview, Schwartz was drugged and robbed by a St. Paul hooker.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

That's not a bridge we can believe in

OK, so Sarah Palin was for the bridge before she was against it. I get that. But the larger question is, why does Alaska need federal funding for a bridge? Alaskan oil generates more wealth per capita than any other state. What was once called Seward's Folly could rightly be called the Saudi Arabia of North America, and not just because it's run by religious nuts. While most states go begging for funds year after year, Ketchikan Tea generates surplus revenue year after year - $5 billion in 2008. Palin even forced an oil windfall profits tax through the Alaskan legislature last year that netted $6 billion. That's enough dough for 18 bridges to nowhere, with change left over to spay the governor's daughter.

For all their talk of fiscal restraint and personal responsibility, Republicans line up at the federal trough with everyone else.


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Paris responds

See more funny videos at Funny or Die


Who but John McCain could elicit sympathy for Paris Hilton? I can't wait for Team Spears' response.

FunnyOrDie.com is a working collaboration of comedy heavyweights Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, BTW. Great to see them making a difference.

Paris' response actually makes sense, and yes I did use the phrases "Paris Hilton" and "make sense" in a single sentence. Allowing limited off shore exploration - and that's what we're talking about, since drilling is years away - while investing in energy conservation and alternative fuel transportation - is the best of both worlds. Increasing domestic supply is a doubled edged sword if not managed right. On one hand, sending fewer petro dollars to Islamic theme-park oil producers and African despots is a good thing. But increased supplies at home mean lower oil prices, which means less incentive to conserve and drive more efficient cars. Hilton's energy platform, which bares an uncanny resemblance to Obama's philosophy, is the best of both worlds.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Paint it black

They just can't help themselves, those brave National Review editors who, like the musicians on the Titanic, kept a stiff upper lip right to the end. Of course it's easy to be distracted when the ship of state is listing and the cold reality of political armaggedon calls from below decks.

But still, "Black" refers to Charlie Black, Sen. John McCain's sleazeball senior advisor, who lied about his shady lobbyist connections. Black, in this context, has nothing to do with the junior senator from Illinois.


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

By the numbers

In his ridiculous and embarrassing press conference today, the former governor of Texas said the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge contains "27 million gallons of diesel and gasoline from crude oil." That's as much gasoline as American's burn during a single 5 o'clock rush hour. But even if he meant to say 27 billion barrels of oil, that's still far from reality based. According to ANWR.org, a website that promotes the exploitation of the national wildlife refuge, "Studies of the ANWR coastal plain indicate it may contain between 6 and 16 billion barrels of recoverable oil." The 27 billion figure is wildly optimistic estimate of the oil "in place", that could be recovered if the higher estimates are correct, and if oil companies think it is profitable to invest in new technologies to suck the last drops of oil from the Earth's crust before the human race returns to its hunter gatherer roots.

How can Bush even pretend to be serious about a national energy policy if he can't even get the numbers right?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

In hot pursuit

There was a time when Bush Administration officials could tell a lie with the best of them. Sure, they fell short of fooling all of the people all of the time, but you have to admit, their WMD/alQaeda-Saddam link whoppers had most Americans, and 99 percent of the press, going for a while.

And that's what has me puzzled about Cheney's latest prevarication. He's telling anyone who will listen (aka Sean Hannity) that if the US leaves The Land Between the Rivers, then al Qaeda will get rich on Iraq's vast oil reserves, and use its new found wealth to destabilize the world.

Listening to the interview, I can imagine Bush and his co-conspirators huddled around a radio in the Oval Office, one of them going "Here it is! Wait for it! It's coming!", and then breaking into Katrinas of laughter when the line comes. "I can't believe he really said it. I bet him a thousand dollars he couldn't pull it off without laughing," says Bush, wiping away a tear.

It's beyond improbable that al Qaeda, a Sunni terrorist group, could wrest control of Iraq's oil fields from 20 million or so Shiites, then develop and maintain the complicated infrastructure, let alone possess the technical expertise necessary to extract one barrel of oil. It's like fearing that the Detroit Crips will seize General Motors, execute a successful corporate restructuring, then use the profits to import more cocaine.

Cheney's fairy tale reminds me of those scenes in TV cop shows where the bad guy is chased down the street, and he keeps knocking things over so they fall in the path of his pursuer to slow him down - a baby carriage, a newspaper rack, a fruit vendor stall. Rebranding al Qaeda as a rogue union of petroleum engineers is intended to slow down the anti-war hounds, to give the toothless media lap dogs one more excuse to back off on pushing calls for troop withdrawal. It also provides Hannity and other barking loons with more talking points to use against the 72 percent of Americans who disapprove of President George W. Bush.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Thank you Chicago Tribune

Looks like the former first lady is padding her resume. The Chicago Tribune on Hillary's foreign policy chops:
Pressed in a CNN interview this week for specific examples of foreign policy experience that has prepared her for an international crisis, Clinton claimed that she "helped to bring peace" to Northern Ireland and negotiated with Macedonia to open up its border to refugees from Kosovo. She also cited "standing up" to the Chinese government on women's rights and a one-day visit she made to Bosnia following the Dayton peace accords.

Earlier in the campaign, she and her husband claimed that she had advocated on behalf of a U.S. military intervention in Rwanda to stop the genocide there.

But her involvement in the Northern Ireland peace process was primarily to encourage activism among women's groups there, a contribution that the lead U.S. negotiator described as "helpful" but that an Irish historian who has written extensively about the conflict dismissed as "ancillary" to the peace process.

The Macedonian government opened its border to refugees the day before Clinton arrived to meet with government leaders. And her mission to Bosnia was a one-day visit in which she was accompanied by performers Sheryl Crow and Sinbad, as well as her daughter, Chelsea, according to the commanding general who hosted her.
Sinbad deserves at least an ambassadorship for that one.


Hillary Clinton is a monster

What, that was some sort of secret? The only question is, what kind of monster?

Is she a vampire, sucking the life out of Obama's message of hope? Absolutely. By saying that only she and John McCain are fit to lead the military, she has handed the GOP a kick-Obama-in-this-shins card this fall, just so the super delegates will have a strong reason to nominate her this summer.

Or is she Frankenstein's monster, stitched together with Karl Rove's brain, Dick Cheney's black heart, and George Bush's phony charm? A case can be made.

Hillary Clinton's slash and burn style of taking her case to the people recalls Godzilla in many ways, a creature awakened from a long sleep by human avarice and folly, who brings violence and mayhem to an unsuspecting population. Yes, Hillary is like Godzilla.

But the most terrifying monster of all, and what I fear we are now dealing with, is the monster that we can't see. It's always out sight, but we know it's out there, lurking, waiting for its moment, we can feel its eyes. Then we remember - we know the monster! But then it is too late.

The monster is us. It's our own cowardice and comfort. It's our unwillingness to face down the fearmongers and doomsayers, the nasty little men and women in need of a balcony.

Yes Hillary Clinton is a monster, but she's our monster. We gave her life. Now it's time to drive a stake through the heart of her campaign, and that of every politician like her.



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Friday, February 29, 2008

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Spare change from McCain

It didn't take long for John McCain (R-Roadkill), to beta test his line of attack on Sen. Barack Obama (D-Speeding car). From TPM:

"I will fight every moment of every day in this campaign to make sure Americans are not deceived by an eloquent but empty call for change."

McCain said the phrase "eloquent but empty call for change" repeatedly, indicating that the campaign had settled on it as a chosen phrase against the person they expect to be their opponent this fall.

"Eloquent but empty call for change." Get used to that one, you'll be hearing a lot of it.

McCain also reminded voters that Obama said he would bomb Pakistan, a supposed US ally. What Obama really said was that he would take unilaterial action against al Qaeda in Pakistan if the Pakistan government failed to act. Sort of like how the Bush Adminstration launched two Hellfire missiles from a Predator drone last month to take out an al Qaeda dude in Pakistan.
Abu Laith al-Libi, a wanted al Qaeda terrorist, was killed in Pakistan by a CIA airstrike, three U.S. officials told CNN Thursday.

Al-Libi was described as a senior al Qaeda leader believed to have plotted and executed attacks against U.S. and coalition forces, including a February 2007 bombing at Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan during a visit by Vice President Dick Cheney.

He was on a "most wanted" list of 12 accused terrorists which was issued in October by the Combined Joint Task Force-82 -- an anti-terror unit in Afghanistan.

Earlier, a knowledgeable Western official and a military source confirmed al-Libi's death to CNN. The same official said al-Libi is "not far below the importance of the top two al Qaeda leaders" -- Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri.

The officials said al-Libi was killed by a missile from an airplane.

Oops.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Mental mush


President Bush just gave an interview to Al Arabiya, the government-controlled voice of Saudi Arabia . Can you guess which quotes are actually his, and which ones are fabricated in order to heap well-deserved ridicule on this wantwit? The answer is posted in the first comment.
  1. I think the major obstacle to peace is going to be the politics of both Palestinians and Israelis trying to take advantage of the difficult work that these two leaders are going to have to do to define a state; that's what I think. I think that extremists, in some instances, will try to stop the peace.
  2. Taking dictation out of the region is a common interest of - is common to all of us.
  3. There was common interests - common ground has been now recognized.
  4. And so I've spent a lot of time with allies in Europe, for example, convincing them of the importance of working together to send a common to the Iranian regime.
  5. And in order to have a safe and secure society, the state has got to show that it can provide security for the people and not tolerate pockets of extreme radicals who are murderers in their intentions, and he did.
  6. The average - you know, it's still tough. There's still too many suiciders, but the level of violence is declining.
  7. Freedoms are given - a gift from God, and whether you call God Allah or God, he tells us - or she - that it's given.
  8. Relations are improving when they get better, but not with suiciders.
  9. I would give - if, in fact, Syria is trying to stop suiciders, I will give them credit, of course. I hope that's the case. It's certainly one way to begin to earn better relations with the United States, is to stop the exportation of suiciders who go kill innocent people.
  10. We've sanctioned Syria, and I'm looking at different ways to keep sending a tough message, because so far, he has shown no willingness to be constructive on Lebanon or in dealing with a militant Hamas or in stopping suiciders from heading into Iraq.
h/t: First-Draft