Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Are you ready for a miracle!

President Bush is looking for a miracle. That's all that can save him, and the country now.

Any connection between his rhetoric in tonight's address and reality is purely coincidental. He spoke of a Democratic government of Iraq that needs protection from crazed Jihadists. Maybe on another Earth, in a parallel universe far far away. But not here. Malaki's government is wholly owned by radical Shiites, primarily the Mahdi Army. It's like saying the governor of California is a Crip.

As a born-again, evangelical and dry drunk, George W.Bush is no stranger to miracles. He will he the first to tell you that a miracle drew him to Christ, and sobriety, and the Repubican butt-sniffers who sought him out in 1999 to run against Al Gore. And a miracle will rescue his Presidency, and, oh yes, the country, from the ignomy of two lost wars in 39 years.

But what kind of miracle could reasonably rescue Dear Leader from this mess? I mean, short of a 600-foot Christ returning to Earth to smite the Mahdi Army?

There's a small chance that Saudi Arabia, Syria, Egypt and other Sunni governments could broker a deal to prevent Iraqi sunnis from being exterminated. The Saudi government has already sent a strong signal that it would not allow the Sunnis to be destroyed by Shiites in a civil war. The Sunni governments could come up with a package of incentives to make the radical shiites put down their carving knives in exchange for jobs and oil revenue sharing. The deal could be enforced by magical unicorns and shape shifting jinni.

The other possibility is that Bush's clear and hold strategy of pacifying Baghdad will work. Moderate Iraqis will tolerate having their houses searched without probable cause, and will later be grateful that the US military actions in their neighborhood has decreased the car bombings to only five or ten a week. Maliki will welcome Sunnis into the government who will quickly forgive the Shiite death squads for torturing Sunnis with power tools and dumping their corpses in landfills. That Moqtada Sadr is such a goof!

There was a third facetious miracle but I kind of lost track. Maybe I'll think of it later.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The third miracle is Barney telling his master to fuck off, you're a shithead and you don't deserve my loyalty, at which point shrub starts drinking, shoots Cheney and Pelosi becomes Pres.